Does it make me the bad Chinese daughter?

I want to be able to blog about how normal my life is and how happy I am. But, with parents like mine, it seems like an unattainable dream.

I watched an independent film called, "The Things We Carry," which is about two biracial Korean American sisters who dealt with their drug-addicted mother in different ways. The older sister took off and the younger sister stayed. And because the younger sister made a "choice" to stay and help, she suffered. In her early 20's, she was already getting persistent ulcers because of the crap she was dealing with at home.

I am not mad at my sister for moving back to NYC because she has done a lot financially for this family and she contributes emotionally what she can. However, I wonder if I am to blame for my own misery? Because, I, the good Asian daughter decided to stay and help. So here I am, a 25-year old woman with persistent ulcers, anxiety issues, and sadly, with a soul of a worn down 80-year old woman (nothing wrong with being 80, just probably exhausted from life).

I want to be able to blog about how life is great and that I look forward to working after grad school. I am more anxious and scared than anything else. I am afraid that I won't be able to financially care for my near-bankrupt parents who adamantly believe that their good Chinese daughter has to take care of them for their rest of their lives.

Do I really owe it to them for raising me? Most Chinese American parents genuinely believe that their children need to take care of them because they raised their children. At what point does it become abuse? At what point is it taking advantage of their children? Never...?? I don't think I'll ever be able to answer these questions. Because my sister, the other good Chinese daughter, will always give money to cover their needs. However, she isn't the one that pours her heart, soul, energy, commitment, brainpower, time, weekends, days off from work/school... to fix all the family problems and to pick up after all the crazy mess (lawsuits, the family business, gambling binges, mental health problems, documents, applications, job searches, managing finances, etc.)

Since my parents have be gone, I have been so happy and so relieved. I thought, finally, I can be at peace. Still, there's an uneasiness knowing that they're going to return and my misery and pain will resurface. Is it sad that I feel this way? Do these feelings make me the bad Chinese daughter?

I read other people's narratives about how their grandparents were such great influences on their parents and how the whole family struggled and now they look up to their grandparents and parents. I do admire my parents for all they have endured. But, I cannot say the same for my grandparents. I am forced to understand that my mom treats me a certain way because my grandmother treated her a certain way. Though my sister doesn't believe it is abuse, to me it is.

I can't believe I am making this blog public, but I guess it's my way of crying for some help.. or for affirmations that what I do for my parents is the right thing to do.

The Adventures of Burger and Me

Burger sure is adventurous.

On Saturday, Burger and I met a dog named ... MENUDO! haha Too cute! I'm going to keep a log of cute/funny dog names. So far it has been Pooper and Menudo!

Burger and Me story

Burger moved in with me and Miles and he is not happy about the cats outside mating very loudly.

Stray Dogs Need Love TOO!

I spend a lot of time driving through Watts and the City of Compton (Compton is not part of LA, it is its own city~) to work with schools, agencies, and Dept. of Children and Family Services. I've seen SO many stray dogs wandering the streets and even some getting hit by cars.

On Wednesday, I was driving down Compton Ave going into a residential area. I saw this big dog that looked REALLY pregnant. I got so worried because I didn't want her to have her babies in the streets. She had a collar around her, but she didn't seem like she was headed back to a "home." I called animal control and followed her for 10 minutes, but it looked shady that I was just sitting in a car in front of random homes. I contemplated whether I should have taken her into my car and brought her to animal control. Its safer there than getting hit by a car. But, then my safety is on the line. Last thing I want is a dog attacking me while I was driving. Anyway, I left her there assuming Animal Control was on there way and went to Compton to pick-up some things from DCFS. I headed back up the same route to see if I would see her again. She wasn't on that street anymore, but as I drove back up Compton Ave. I saw ANOTHER DOG with a collar wandering in the middle of the street.

It was then that I was inspired to start a program/organization to help people keep their dogs. In South LA, people often let their dogs go because they can no longer financially take care of him or her. I want to get a program started to get these families dog food and other dog supplies. They have a right to keep their family member. Dogs can bring joy to poor families. And stray dogs need love too!

This is dedicated to my dog, Burger!

Justice for Melissa Roxas!

http://www.apaforprogress.org/letter-writing-campaign-and-vigil-justice-melissa-roxas


President Obama will be meeting with Philippine President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo at the White House on July 30, 2009. As I wrote last week, the Philippine government and military must answer for the abduction and torture of Melissa Roxas, a U.S. citizen and humanitarian health worker.

If you're in Los Angeles on Wednesday, July 29, 2009, come to the Vigil for Justice at 6 p.m., at the Philippine Consulate's office -- 3600 Wilshire Blvd. I hope that all you out there who have been going to vigils and supporting justice for Roxana Saberi, Laura Ling, and Euna Lee come to the Vigil for Melissa Roxas to learn more about what happened and to support human rights!

Also, please write, email, fax, or call President Obama to have human rights violations in the Philippines placed on his meeting agenda with President Macapagal-Arroyo, and to demand justice for Melissa Roxas. Here's a sample letter:

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

Dear President Obama,

Before you meet with Philippine President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo at the White House on July 30, I urge you to look into the case of Melissa Roxas, a U.S. citizen and survivor of torture in the Philippines. I urge you to include human rights in the Philippines and Melissa Roxas as an integral portion of your meeting with President Arroyo.

I am deeply concerned for the well-being of U.S. citizen, Melissa Roxas, a survivor of torture. On May 19, 2009, she was abducted while doing community health work in the Philippines. She has spoken out publicly in Los Angeles and is testifying in the Philippines right now about her traumatic experience of being abducted and tortured for almost one week.

With your support, we can move another step closer to demanding justice for Melissa Roxas by way of a criminal investigation, arrest and prosecution of the parties responsible for her abduction and torture.

Unfortunately, Melissa is one of thousands of victims of human right violations in the Philippines. She is among the very few survivors of abduction, and I admire her courage to speak out so that we will know the truth and take a stand for justice.

With your support, we can move another step closer to ensuring that no more US tax-payers’ dollars are being used to enable state-sponsored human rights violations in the Philippines.

During your Inaugural Speech, you said, "To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history."

Please take a stand for justice and do not hesitate to defend and demand justice for our sister, Melissa, when you meet with President Arroyo.

Sincerely,
Signature
STREET
CITY, STATE, ZIP

--

President Obama’s address:

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

To send letter via web and request a response: http://www.whitehouse.gov/CONTACT/

Phone Numbers at the White House

Comments: 202-456-1111
Switchboard: 202-456-1414
FAX: 202-456-2461

Visitors Office: 202-456-2121

Wisdom

so today, a wise friend who has lived through much, told me -- even when they are gone and all the problems are gone, the stress and anxiety is replaced by sadness. it doesn't get easier..

College students raising hell :]

I got this e-mail about motherjones.com calling on all college students who raised hell on campuses with their campaigns. I laughed when I read it because it reminded me of my college days when we were tired of the same *ish* in our student government so we TOOK OVA!

We were told that diversity wasn't a priority of student government and that if we wanted to see change, we should get involved with student government. And so -- we did -- by completing taking over the cabinet positions and most of the senate positions. It was a hellish few weeks of campaigning with a WHOLE LOTTA D-R-A-M-A, but our slate prevailed. First time in the history of ASLMU where there was some change to the race, gender, and sexual orientation dynamics to ASLMU.

It cracks me up and at the same time makes me feel darn good when I think back to:
-- another candidate spying on us and got us disqualified over something really petty
-- the other two president/vp candidates were close friends and worked together to get our slate out
-- the election committee was hand-selected by the guy who was running for re-election (SHADY!)
-- verbal threats to our slate president
-- one of the guys yelling at my friend (a womyn!) on our campaign
-- running to campus org meetings to beat the other slate on their speech
-- weeks of no sleep
-- days of wearing the same shirt and carrying the same picket sign everywhere ....

A SUCCESSFUL WRITE-IN CAMPAIGN (since we were disqualified!) with 1,000 VOTES outnumbering the other slates of 400 and 550 or so votes. I did make someone cry during this whole process and still 'til this day, I sometimes feel bad. I never knew college politics could be so dirty.

Victory never smelled SO sweet.

www.fixaslmu.com


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http://www.motherjones.com/campus/2009

Calling All Campus Hellraisers!

Mother Jones, Campus Progress, and WireTap proudly introduce the first annual Hellraisers, where we honor the year's most noteworthy student campaigns and other creative feats of campus activism.

Hell Raisers!

Selected nominees will be featured in the September/October 2009 issue of Mother Jones.

Anyone can nominate, and self-nominations are allowed. Student activists of any age (not just college) are eligible. Nominated actions must have taken place between June 1, 2008, and June 30, 2009.